


Tony's Speech

by merelysherlocked



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Endgame, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Civil War (Marvel), This really isn't happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-18 04:44:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18113540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merelysherlocked/pseuds/merelysherlocked
Summary: Tony visits Steve after a battle post-Infinity War goes terribly wrong.





	Tony's Speech

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by people mentioning The Confession comic (which takes place after Civil War) on Twitter. I decided to flesh out this scene a bit. It will not be happy...so read at your own risk. 
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment or kudos if you like it. :)

Natasha had said that she would go into the room with him, but Tony knew that he had to do this alone. He wanted to do it alone. Steve…well, Steve deserved that. He deserved Tony to spend more time with him, even if he wouldn’t even know that he was here, visiting him. But, perhaps a small part of Tony hoped that wherever Steve was, he’d be listening to him. 

The room was dimly lit, the only light coming from the window that was right above the table. The table that Steve laid on, his shield lying on his stomach. Tony stared at him; his steps faltered. He had seen Steve fall during the battle, saw him not stand up again. But…he supposed that he still believed that what he had seen was an illusion, that he had dreamt the whole thing. Now, standing in the middle of the room, his gaze settled on Steve…he knew that no, it hadn’t been an illusion. 

And just like that, the air from Tony’s lungs vanished. He fell to his knees, his knees screaming in discomfort. He didn’t care though. No, any wound would be nothing compared to being in this room, looking at the man before him. 

“Steve,” he said after a few moments, once his lungs had filled with air. The word came out as a whisper. “Steve,” he begged. 

Of course, no answer came. His tongue felt thick in his mouth. There were so many things that he had wanted to say, but…how? And…who cared? He never had gotten to say these things with Steve around, even if they had forgiven each other for what had happened all those years ago, when they had broken up the Avengers and fought. His stomach churned; all those years…lost. All the times they could’ve spent together…lost. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. He could do this…he had to. He had to say the things he never had the chance to say. Or, wanted to say, but couldn’t find the right time to say. So, he moved a bit closer, not stopping until he was right in front of the table, in front of Steve. 

“Y-you once asked me if all of the fighting was worth it…if tearing apart the Avengers, us, was worth it.” His gaze flitted to Steve’s face. “At the time, I didn’t want to answer you. I didn’t want to voice my thoughts. I wasn’t ready, I guess, to admit the truth to myself.” 

Tears pricked at his eyes.

“I didn’t want to admit that losing you was something that wounded me. But…it did, Steve. Every day, I picked up that phone you gave me, and I wanted to call you. I wanted to say that I forgave you, that I wanted us to be a team again. But…I couldn’t. I didn’t think that you would take my call. And, well…I was still hurt. Perhaps I wanted to hold onto that hurt, because it allowed me to feel closer to you. As if what happened that day hadn’t happened so long ago.” 

He ran a hand through his own hair, his mind spinning, trying to think of the right words. 

“I missed you every day, Steve. Every goddamn day. I missed your inspirational speeches, I missed your smile when you thought that I wasn’t looking, I missed the way you always carried that sketchbook with you, no matter where you went. I missed making your coffee in the morning, I missed you coming into my lab and talking to me about whatever was on your mind that day. I missed you making me soup or whatever remedy you thought would cure me whenever I was feeling sick.” The tears now rolled down his face, falling onto his Iron Man suit, sliding off of it, onto the floor. “I missed hugging you, holding you, talking late into the night with you.” He sucked in a breath. "I...missed our banter, I missed kissing you. I...just missed you.” Even the annoying bits of him, he missed. 

“I missed _everything_ about you, Steve…and even when we reunited…we didn’t have enough time.” An eternity wouldn’t have been enough time, but six months together wasn’t nearly enough time. 

A few seconds went by and Tony remained quiet, lost in his thoughts. He forced his gaze back up to Steve. 

“What I am trying to say is,” he whispered. “…it wasn’t worth it.” 

With that, tears started to flow down his cheeks with a new force. His shoulders shook as he placed his head into his hands. He didn’t know how long he knelt there, crying. It didn’t matter. He didn’t want to be anywhere else – he just wanted to be with him. Eventually, he forced himself up. He glanced down at Steve and ran his hand through Steve’s disheveled hair. Leaning down, he placed a kiss on his forehead. 

“Goodnight, Steve,” he whispered, just before he turned and left the room.


End file.
